I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
