she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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