I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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