I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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