so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
