I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
