Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
