so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize