In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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