i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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