Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
