I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
