life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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