Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
