After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
