3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
