Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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