Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
