yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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