You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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