I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
