the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
