Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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