enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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