You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
