If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
