I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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