in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
