Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
