OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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