I'm eating all of the evidence.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
