He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
