I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize