are you still at the devil's house?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
