I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
