I love black thongs
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
