Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His hands were made for my vagina.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
