I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
