you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize