Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
God, I missed his penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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