Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
