Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
