u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
