i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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