That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
