Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
