make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
