God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
