if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
