i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
