Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
