The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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