How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
