What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
