Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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