there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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