i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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