my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize