No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
