i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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