I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
