I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize