you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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