She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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