im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
