Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
