Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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