I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
