i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize