Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
