so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
