If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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