oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize