I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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