Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize