i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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