you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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